guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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