My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm always down for nudity.
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