his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize