10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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