You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize