I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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