is your mom at the bar?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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