My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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