I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
