You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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