he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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