i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
