i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
