piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my shit smells like andre
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
