So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
