Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
