Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You're my little dorito
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize