dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
