Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i believe in u and ur pee
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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