I just pynch a tree in the face
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
