She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
