I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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