Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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