She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
