Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
