Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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