Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize