So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
