Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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