you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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