actually, I'm a sock model
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
