I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
