I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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