rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize