member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
