can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
