This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
