I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I touched a dick in church today
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
