so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
