we're blogging at a bar
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
