Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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