I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
