Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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