The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
