hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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