I think I died a long time ago.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
