everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
ok first of all what the fuck
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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