Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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