just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
