the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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