perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
