just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
