I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
