woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
