She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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