I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
