you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
