Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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