When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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