If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
