4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This is the high leading the old right now
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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