I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
