let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
