I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
